Patrick Jay Sullivan's Blog

There's a funny thing about life, you sometimes want something so badly and when you get it, you realize that the wanting of it was much more satisfying that the receiving of it. I wanted to get out more and to have more spontanaeity in my life like I did when I lived in Minneapolis. So I joined a bowling league and bowled this year from September until the end of April. The funny thing is that the experience, while a good one, helped me to see that I am not the same person that I was when I was in my early 3o's in Minneapolis. Getting home at eleven at night was hard on me physically and emotionally. The long months in the league ended up giving me something and taking away something as well.
When I was young I often wished that one day I would be out on my own and free of my parents. I always thought of the great day when I would make all of my decisions on my own and not have to deal with being over ruled or counseled out of things. I lost my mother fourteen years ago and I lost my dad two years ago. I can tell you this much. More than anything in the world I wish I could go back and be that young guy and have those two wonderful people back in my life counseling me and giving me direction. Sometimes I go through periods of sadness missing the two of them so much. Why the hell did I ever wish for that freedom? Talk about stupidity. I guess the real thing is that I never see what the outcome of my wishes would be. Fortunately, we seldom get what we wish for in this life. As my mom used to always say "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." In my life my Uncle Frank's version seems to be more appropriate or representative. He used to always say: "Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first."